A Nazi mix up and a sugar rampage

Dom spent most of the morning laughing at Holly Willoughby.
For those of you who don’t know, she said ‘May the Force be with you’ while doing a Nazi salute on this morning’s This Morning.
Dom described it as a ‘terrible and hilarious Star Wars/Third Reich mix up’.




He went out for dinner and came back with a Subway, a drink and a packet of red Doritos.
I can only assume he was paying with a ‘big note’.

He greeted us all after dinner with this: “Oh man. How long has my fly been undone?”
“I’ve walked around town and everything.”

I don’t know who got a glimpse of Dom’s gaping trousers but I do know he paid a visit to Cash Generator (or Smack Generator as Dom, perhaps more accurately, calls it)
I know this because he told me had to walk out of there because of the strong smell of body odour.

“It was like a BO forcefield,” he said.

After his food Dom popped out for some milk to make tea and coffee.
He cam back with a huge bottle of milk and two packs of sweets for everyone.

This sounds nice unless you know what sweets do to Dom.

After a few today he said: “Uh oh, I think I’ve eaten too many sweets. I think I’m due some kind of sugar rampage’

If you remember after his last ‘sugar rampage’ he came up with Meat or Streep.

The highlight of today’s sugar rampage was a discussion about the little people on the bottom right of our TV screens who sign programmes.
Dom was amazed to discover that they also appear on music programmes and dance when there are no lyrics to sign.

The conversation culminated in Dom having a go at signing “Here Comes the Sun’”


When he came down from his sugar rush he described the entire epidsode as ‘undignified’.



Think about it.



If you haven't seen it, take a look at this to see Holly's mix up.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EYnIlq71O4

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder

It seems Dom has gone Tesco sandwich mad.
He went for a chicken and chorizo one today. Looked good and he seemed to enjoy it.

I had soup because I have a really bad ulcer which hurts when I eat solid food.
It’s on the right side of my bottom lip.

Worryingly, it is in the exact opposite position to where Dom had one two weeks ago.
The reason why this is concerning me is because I woke up with my ulcer the day after a drunken me and Dom had enjoyed a night of living room UFC fighting.

Dom loves UFC.

He taught me a ground and pound, a few submissions, I remember him teaching me full guards, side guards and mounts.
I remember him saying: “I need to get in between your thighs for this one” before accidentally elbowing my face.

I don’t remember much else.

This wouldn’t worry me half as much as it does if me and Dom didn’t have a history of getting in dodgy situations after a drink.

Once, the two of us stayed in watching the documentary Dig while drinking absinthe.

The last thing I remember was listening to the first two or three tracks of the ‘Holy Bible’ before waking up 7.30am.
I had literally spent the night sleeping on Dom’s lap as he slept sitting upright on the settee.

Apparently I got all angry and shouted ‘Sleep there!” while pointing at the settee just before I went to bed.

Earlier today we were discussing the new film ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’

Dom likes to think that the whole film came to be because someone in Hollywood forgot he had a meeting on the day they were discussing new ideas for a film.

Dom’s ideal scenario goes a little something like this...

Boss: “So did anyone have any new ideas for the new film? How about you?” (Points at the guy who forgot he had a meeting)
The guy who forgot he had a meeting: “Uh.... how about.....uh.... Hot tub... uh.... Time Machine?”
Boss: “I love it! Get John Cusack on the phone.”

Such fond memories...

Today we went to the Belle Vue - aka the birth place of Dom's Food Diary.
For those of you who remember it is the place we like to go when we get paid because it is more classy than 'Spoons.
When we ate there after getting paid in January Dom had a go at me for not remembering what he had to eat on our last visit and hence 'What I saw Dom eat today' was born.

It was also the place where he dropped a chip and caught it with his legs and the place where he coined the phrase 'Death or Glory'.

He actually used that phrase while eating at the Belle today which was nice.
He estimated afterwards that it was the third or fourth time he had ever used it.

Today he said it while struggling with his curry, chips and rice.
Fair play, it was huge.

He tried his best to eat it all and he did particularly well.

He did go quiet for a bit and I also caught him 'having a breather'.

He looked upset at one point but he soon came out of it when a full Dom reminded himself of the amazing way he spent Tuesday night.


We went out for food on Tuesday after work and Dom shared a lift home with our friend Louise and her dog.
The Chihuahua/Jack Russell had been staying a Lou's sister's house where it was clearly spoilt with too much chicken.

He said it was really full and couldn't be bothered to move.

Dom said he spent the six mile car journey back to his house winding the poor pup up by blowing on the back of its ear because it couldn't be bothered to defend itself.

At one point Dom did an impression of the full dog.

Cath almost choked on a bit of ham.

The end.

Welcomed by Weezer...

Sorry about the lack of blog yesterday.
I left the office early, also came in late today.

I was greeted by a song from Dom who was waering a short sleeved pink shirt.

It was his own version Weezer’s ‘Jamie’.

It went: “Jamie, Jamie, I’m so glad you’re back.”

It was nice.

This attitude didn’t last, he just called me a ‘man child’ for getting prematurely excited about a thing on the internet I found called a Wasp Spider.

I thought it was a spider that could fly, on closer inspection Dom discovered it was actually a wasp-coloured Spider.

I was gutted – particularly after miming the fictional flying action.

Oh well...

Dom had a piri piri subway today, also had a pint in ‘Spoons.
Yesterday he had a bloomer from Gregg’s.

Me and Dom have been talking about spiritualists a lot this week after watching Derren Brown Investigates (10pm Mondays, Channel 4)

Referring to cold reading and particulalry the technique where the subject does the work (for those of you you watched Derren) Dom laughed at how the one woman took the random number 93 and said it was definitely linked to a man she knew.

Turned out it was a man who sold her eggs occasionally.

“Out of all the dead people who could contact you why would the guy who sold you eggs want to get in touch?” sceptical Dom asked.

“My uncle was an egg man,” Kelly said.

“Coo coo, ca choo,” Dom replied.

Toon anger and Funhouse politics

Dom had another Tesco sandwich today.
I thought it was another World Cup themed one but it was just of the egg and tomato variety.

He queued behind the Welsh and Ospreys prop Adam Jones and all he had to say about his brush with fame was...

“He was wearing shorts.”

Dom’s been reminiscing a lot lately.

Today he had a minor rant about popular kids TV show Funhouse.

Said he always fancied a go at the Go-Karts but said he had a massive problem with the set up of the show.
The said problem was that whenever they won they were always given prizes for their school. Eg.. computers and encyclopedias.

Dom wasn’t happy about this - at all.

“I don’t want a globe for my classroom,” he said.”
“Get out!”


The rant continued.

“It wasn’t on,” he said.
“If I had gone on there and won a computer for my classroom I would have been the only one using it.
“I would have been like ‘did you go on Funhouse? No!’
‘Were you slogging away?’. ‘No!’.


Yesterday he was talking about old cartoons.
Said that even from a young age he was rooting for Wile E. Coyote to catch Roadrunner.

This is the sort of person Dom is.

Not many toons were safe from the wrath of baby Dom but I felt most sorry for poor Pepe le Pew.

Dom didn’t like the fact that he was trying to ‘get off’ with a cat when he was clearly a skunk.

“He was essentially a 'hilarious', smelly French rapist,” Dom said.


'A 'hilarious', smelly French rapist'

A vicious, sexy circle.

So Dom's back in work after a week off.
Dom celebrated his return to work with a World Cup themed sandwich from Tesco. He opted for Chilli Beef.

He's missed out on all the news....

The main story he was late reading about was the one where Danny Dyer got in trouble for his advice column.
When asked for advice from some man who had been dumped the 32-year-old dick head suggested he should "cut" his ex-girlfriend's face "so no one will want her".

He lost his column as a result.

Dom was about to make a joke about the situation but stopped.
He said he didn't want to get in trouble and get his column taken off him.

Dave asked what column.

Dom said: "Come over here and I'll show you my column." In his dirty voice that has freaked me out for years.

I told him that if he wasn't careful I'd cut his column so no one would want it.

Dom was also out of the office for the election excitement.
All he had to say on that matter was that he felt sorry for Gordon Brown.

Not because his party suffered a major defeat, not because he seems likely to be kicked out of his home but because, and I quote: "He has a big, sad, bear face."

Dom started a conversation about bodybuilders earlier.

Said they freak him out because he can't look at them without imagining touching their 'oiled up muscles'.

He said this gave him a fear that aroused him but then the arousal added to his fear which increased the arousal.

We agreed it was like a 'vicious, sexy circle'.