What does crispy seaweed, wild turkeys and John Candy have in common?

Answer: They are all subjects that Dom has been wrong about*.

Went to Wetherspoons today. Dom had a BBQ panini and a bottle of Crabbies. (Took ages with the drink.) Also had several biscuits this morning and a Fox sweet this afternoon. He was 'gutted' he randomly chose an orange one.


Had a massive, heated argument about whether turkeys could fly.
It's sorted now and I don't really want to dig up old graves, you know, let sleeping dogs lie and that but I feel I should summarise it for the blog.

1)It started because I saw a dead turkey the other day that had been shot. It was flying with pheasants at the time. I told Dom that you're not meant to hit the turkeys and if you do you get a £50 fine.
2)Dom didn't believe me that turkeys could fly.
3)He was told that maybe they learn to fly because they spend time with pheasants.
4)This angered Dom.
5) I told him about a dog I used to know that lived with cats. She pawed like a cat.
6)This angered Dom further. He asked me if I could learn to fly if I spent time with pheasants or learn to hold my breath underwater if I spent time with fish.
7)I explained that it is too late for me now because I've been brought up to know I can't fly. I suggested that the turkey doesn't know different if it is raised with pheasants. I also added that I'd have a better chance with the birds rather than the fish because holding your breath underwater is impossible.
8) This infuriated Dom.
9) I used the argument that aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyway.
10) Dom told me to shut up.

Also noticed Wetherspoons are doing a Valentine's Day Special.
Two steaks and a bottle of wine for only £15.

Dom suggested we should go just to see all the depressed and angry women.
Personally, I couldn't think of a better way to spend the day.

Thanks for using the Facebook site to leave your food related stories about Dom.
I've enjoyed reading them but I worry the fame might be getting to Dom.
Earlier today he noticed that in the last three posts he had been referred to as a 'genius' twice.

"This isn't good for me at all," he said.
"The last thing you want to do is stroke my ego."

Moments later reality hit home - hard.

"Saying that, I've been described a genius for adding soup to pasta and for eating with a fork," a deflated Dom added.


Keep inviting friends over the weekend and please keep adding your thoughts and food stories on the Facebook fan page.
Dom's Food Diary will commence Monday.

*If you're interested he thought Crispy Seaweed was actual seaweed and was convinced John Candy died while filming Cool Runnings. It was actually Wagons East.

Free pie syndrome and sneezing etiquette

Dom turned down a free pie today.

A man from Peter's Pies dropped off some Six Nations special edition pies.
We were allowed two each but Dom declined.

"I'm not enough of a pie fan," he said.
"I'd just be taking it because it's free," he added.

I'm not surprised at this behaviour, Dom has a weird thing when it comes to free food.
He refuses to use coupons to get money off anything. No matter how good the deal is.
The only aspect of free food he seems comfortable with is the use of tasting bowls you find in continental markets.

Then he samples like a beast.

Dom chose Subway again today, he had the club sub. Also had a pint of Guinness in the pub.

Kelly did a little sneeze earlier and Dom used the opportunity to have a go at me and my famous loud sneeze.

"That was a perfect sneeze," he said. "It was discreet and contained."

By amazing coincidence Dom did a little sneeze moments later.
Kelly returned the compliment but Dom was modest in his response.

"That wasn't the best," he said.
"It caught me off guard."

The best thing I've discovered so far in 2010 is that I can't sing the 'And the band begins to play' bit of Yellow Submarine without Dom doing the instrumental on the air trombone.

Dom likes air instruments. We did a beautiful acapella version of Something by The Beatles yesterday. Unfortunately we were cut off by someone asking a question. This annoyed Dom.

"I can't believe you interrupted me while my air guitar was gently weeping," he said.

Praise for Dom's Food Diary

"I'd like to say that I'm thoroughly enjoying these updates! Many, many an afternoon have I wondered what fine cuisine my friend Dom may be dining on, and now I need wonder no more. Bravo, and keep up the good work!" AK

"I love the blog. The end. I really do. Funny." CR

"Loving the comedy writing." NG

"Im not sure Ive ever seen Dom eating anything,just drinking hehehe. But he blatantly does,so tah for clearing that up." TL

The 10th blog

So here it is... and they said it couldn't be done.
Ian reckons there's this ridiculous theory that people get bored of anything and everything by the time it gets to number nine.

I said if this was true then golf wouldn't be so popular.

Dom ate a tuna mayo baguette. Interesting point of note - he used a fork to eat all the overflowing filling to that it wouldn't squish all over his face as he eats it.
He didn't say this today but he's revealed this method in the past.

He thinks my blog posts are getting shoddy because I'm not posting them around dinner time.
A certain reader who shall remain nameless, for now, also said that they had to re-read yesterday's blog because I've taken too long with this.

You're such a demanding fan base - now I know how Michael Jackson felt while trying to meet unrealsitic public demands - and look what happened to him.

Today I decided to do what all long running, successful TV programmes do and run a Dom's Food Diary style clip show every 10 blogs.

I'll list my top 3 highlights and you can list yours as comments on the Facebook page.

In reverse order mine are...

3 Describing Special Brew as a "soup - a soup that makes you want to fight"
2 Meat or Streep? The gameshow devised and hosted by Dominic Jones
1 The heart-warming moment that he dropped a chip... but caught it with his legs.

(If this was played in slow-mo with music in the background it would have almost definitely topped the ending of Cool Runnings. Maybe I should start making this a video blog.)

For motivation purposes I'll also include a bi-monthly section called 'Praise for Dom's Blog'.
I'll post this as a new entry.


Today we discussed starting a lottery syndicate.
Ian said if we won and someone forgot to pay in advance they should lose out on the winnings.
This disgusted Dom - possibly too much.

"When it gets to a point when even I'm appalled at you then you need to take a long hard look at yourself," he said.
"I hope there's a hell just so you can go there," he added.

Painful soup and a banging muffin

I think I've finally broken Dom.
I'm off work today so I would have had difficulty in producing my blog.

However, to my surprise I received a text from Dom at 13.08pm GMT that read:
"To save us both an embarrassing episode, tomatao soup and a roll. I also ate one of those muffins Emma left here. Lovely stuff, it was absoloutely banging. And you can quote me on that."

I was pleased with this text but obviously I couldn't have relied on Dom to have given in so easy. I thought it was safer to monitor him.

My sources tell me that the muffin was of the white choclate and strawberry jam variery. Dom described it as "Manly, like what Rambo eats."

Apparently he described his main meal as 'top secret soup'.
It cost £2.20 from the forum and it came with a baguette.
He had to pause for a minute because the heat was causing him "incredible pain".

It seems he has also been offering some sage-like advice for fellow consumers. When Sam was ready to tuck into her Tuna Mayo Jacket potato, Dom kindly told her "There's too much onion. You're going to honk."

Rants today included a "real bugbear" for people who park selfishly in Asda in a bid to be close to the shop.
"If I had my way, their name would be called over the tannoy calling them to the car park," Dom said.
"They would be publicly executed there and then," he added.

In other food news Dom referred to bagels as "gaygels" because they look like something I don't want to describe in my family friendly blog.

I'm glad I decided to follow Dom's food habits rather than anyone else in the office for two reasons. They are..
A) The funniest part is because everyone knows how annoyed he is gettingB
B) He wouldn't have been very good at taking note of what the others eat when I'm not in the office.

He's not the most observant.

He once bought a pair of shoes that didn't match and wore them for days.
Eventually a member of the public pointed out his error while Dom was covering a story.
To those of you thinking this is an easy mistake to make, I say... Look at the soles!!!

Week two begins...

Wow.
I have to say I was genuinely taken back to see a percentage increase in Facebook fans of almost 44% over the weekend*
I was working a Sunday shift at the time and even being told off by the Welsh bass-baritone opera and concert singer Bryn Terfel for daring to contact him on a Sunday didn't spoil the pleasant surprise.
Dom said Bryn deserved to have a go at me.

"You leave Bryn alone. He's earned the right not to be bothered on a Sunday. You're scum. Utter scum. Scum," he said.

The Facebook fan count actually jumped from 32 to 46 but I think 44% sounds better.
That's what I would say if I was trying to get funding for a Dom's Food Diary book from the Dragons.
Dom likes Dragons' Den.

He likes coming up with ideas for the show.
One of my favourites was an ice scraper for your car that you could heat up through the cigarette lighter.
He came up with the idea years ago and I saw one of these on sale this Christmas time so I text a picture of it to Dom.

"I told you it was gold," he said.

I didn't tell him it was on sale in Matalan for a fiver.

I'd secretly like it if one of Dom's ideas did work out but then again I don't think it would do him any good.
He reguarly tells me that being rich would definitely change him.
"I would become a horrible, horrible human being," he says.

It's hard to know this for definite. All I do know is that he would definitley spend most of his time and money on trying to form a Smiths tribute band using only monkeys and maybe that cute thing that likes being tickled** on the bass.

I wasn't in the office when Dom had his food today and he thinks that I don't know what he had to eat - I do.

He had a Chicken Pasta Pot, Walkers Salt and Vinegar crisps and a Tropicana pomegranate, apple and grape juice.
I also know that he had it on the meal deal in Tesco but complained that it never works properly - this time the pasta hadn't gone through properly.

I won't tell him how I found out.
I'll just sit back and watch the paranoia consume him.

Dom gets funny about the way people eat food.
He just caught Sam biting the chcolate off a Milky Way before eating the inside.

"What are you eating there?" he said.
"A Milky Way," Sam said.
"Sort yourself out!" Dom replied.

*Ian Caleb (aka Rainman) figures
**slow loris? See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLdQ3UhLoD4

Memories and Merchandise

We've had our first Dom food memory sent in overnight!
Please keep sending your memories in. All submitters will be kept anonymous.
This one came from a Mr Griffiths

"Once, when Dom was in Newcastle, he went to Subway late at night after a long session in the pub and thought it would be a good idea to high-five the "sandwich artist" who served him his sub."

Thanks for that Rhys.

Funny that the memory was Subway based because Dom had another Subway today.
It was a 6" sub with Doritos (regular cheese this time) and a Coke.
I suspect the sub was the Italian BMT - Dom refused to confirm this.
I said that if he doesn't start assisting then I'm going to have to start checking for myself.

Also had a request for t-shirts today from the council girls.
We haven't decided what the front design will be but they have asked that the back should feature a list of all the places that Dom has eaten in and the various dates.
A little bit like when big bands go on world tours.

I like this idea.

On another note it seems me and Dom have a weird psychic connection that ends in us buying the same trousers. We have an identical pair of brown trousers and a very similar pair of grey ones.

I'd like some advice.

Is it better for us to wear them on the same day or to alternate?
They both have cons.

Same day looks like we're wearing a uniform.
Different looks like we share trousers.

Answers on the Facebook fan page please.


Apparently Dom eats crisps 'like a dream'. (In other words quietly)
I eat them very loud. Dom says this is because I keep my mouth open so the noise echoes around my "giant skull".

It's been a successful first week - spread the word - invite your friends to join the Facebook group and I'll be back next week with more of Dom's Food Diary.

Have a good weekend.

Stressful murders and surplus onions

Date: Thursday, January 21
Venue: Wetherspoons

Dom had a 'murder dream' last night.
We still don't know what he had to eat yesterday but I'm holding whatever it was responsible.
The dream didn't dwell on the horrific attack (which consisted of caving a head in with an old Playstation) but in typical Dom fashion it focused on the worry that would come with committing murder.
Apparently he had left his shoes at the front door, someone came in after the incident and he couldn't leave the scene of the crime without getting his shoes which would have obviously linked him to the PS1 murder.

Scrooge learned an important lesson after his dreams one Christmas Eve - did Dom?

"Never gonna murder anyone," he said this morning.
"Too stressful."

Had the usual Thursday pub lunch. Dom opted for a BBQ Chicken panini which looked ok.
There seemed to be a lot of onions on his plate.
"They must have a surplus of onions here today," Dom mused.

Yesterday afternoon Dom started a discussion off with the sentence: "If I was a tramp I'd be all over this." Which I think is always a good opener.
He told us about a 9% cider he saw - this led to a conversation about Special Brew. Dom is a fan of Special Bew.

"It's sumptuous," he said.
"It's like a soup - a soup that makes you want to fight."

Crafty Dinner Ninja

Date: Wednesday, January 20
Venue: ?

Regular readers will have already noticed an unwanted ? in this blog
To explain the reason behind this I will have to take you back to this morning.
I should have known Dom was in a rebellious mood when he came in listening to The Who on his iPod.
A couple of hours later I was innocently walking back into the office after getting my lunch when I was shocked to see Dom running out of the room with a mouthful of food in his mouth and a fistful of food in his left hand.
He then came back to the room and actually managed to eat what was left of his crushed food from his clenched left fist - it looked like a sandwich.
After speaking to several eye witnesses I concluded that he had cunningly waited for me to leave the office before running out of the office and purchasing some food without anyone seeing.
When I blamed his useless co-workers for not making a note of what he ate he replied:

"Don't blame them, I'm a crafty dinner ninja."

That's the beautiful thing about this blog.
The more he tries to destroy it the stronger it becomes.
Almost like the scene from Fantasia when Mickey Mouse is dressed as a sourcerer and he is chopping up brooms. He thinks he wins but then the brooms come back smaller but in force with consequently devastating effects.

One of Dom's 'brooms' today included saying he doesn't like proper cuts of meat, just the processed 'arseholes and eyeballs'.

Anyway, as any good film villain will tell you, it now, unfortunately, falls to me to teach Dom a harsh (but fair) lesson for stepping out of line.

Whenever he breaks the rules I get to reveal one story (food related or otherwise) from my archive entitled 'Mortifying things Dom has done'.

Today's was submitted.

Years ago Dom came out of a pub in Newport too late, just as the takeaways were closing.
He managed to find his way to a local Indian only to be greeted with a closed sign.
Instead of going home quietly he insisted on banging on the door while shouting..

"Come on! Let me in! Big Money! Big Money!"

They can and will get a lot worse.

Meat or Streep?

Date: Tuesday, January 19.
Venue: Greggs (Maybe as a result of yesterday's blog)

Little concerned for Dom today.
Think the pressure of being an internet sensation is getting to him.
He went to Greggs and ordered a Chicken Pesto baguette and a sausage roll.
He admitted to thinking twice before ordering the sausage roll because he knew people would read about it.
He's also expressed worries that the blog could give him an eating disorder.

I thought about stopping the blog but my quick calculations proved that:

Dom's Food Diary x Eating Disorder = Blog Gold.

He also said that he's stopping himself from talking about food because he knows I'm writing everything down. Ian says it won't be long before 'Big Brother Syndrome' kicks in and he forgets 'the cameras are there'.

I'm looking forward to Dom's equivalent of the night Jade wouldn't shut up about her kebab.

Enjoyed his food but he did say the sausage roll was a bit too much for him.
He won't learn though.

NB: After I published yesterday's blog Dom ate a pear drop and mocked me for missing it out so I'm including it today.

Think he enjoyed it but it did make him a bit weird.
My favourite bit was when he came up with a new gameshow devised and hosted by Dominic Jones.
He said the camera would show a close up of something fleshy and the contestants would have to guess whether it was meat or Meryl Streep. Meat or Streep was his working title.

I suggested Vernon Kay would make a good host.

"I don't want to involve that f*** stick with anything," Dom said.

Would you like that toasted? Squashed? Rolled up like a tube?

Date: Monday, January 18
Venue: Subway (Ate it in the office)

Dom didn't seem too bothered when he saw me reach for my notebook that I allocate to his eating habits when he came back from Subway.
He says I'll get bored of this before he does.

We'll see about that - me and this blog are his equivalent of playing fetch with a dog or hide and seek with a baby. He just doesn't know that yet.

I guessed he'd ordered the chicken tikka sub because it is Monday's 'Sub of the Day' then I checked Friday's entry and realised he had tikka at the Belle.
He actually went for Steak and Cheese which would have been my second guess. He chose Italian Herbs and Cheese which is definitely the best bread. He also had a pack of flaming cheese Doritos and a large drink. (It looked like Coke™).

He said he only went for the drink and crisps because he was paying with a £20 note.
He said it felt more appropriate buying a meal because he was using a 'big note'.*

He had it toasted and with pickles. I think he only didn't have jalapenos because the woman there looks at you funny if you say 'halapenos'. You have to say 'jalapenos' to avoid confusion and he wouldn't like doing that.

Seemed pleased with his food although he was very annoyed that they squashed it.
He said squashing should be an option they offer you like they do with extra cheese and toasting the bread.

"They should not be squashing my sandwich unless I specifically request a squashed sandwich," he said.


*Talking of £20 notes. One day, a few years ago, I only had a £20 note on me when I was buying lunch from Greggs. Dom jokingly dared me to say to a member of staff: "Ever seen one of these before" before paying.

I did.

She didn't get it, or like it. It still haunts me a little bit.

Friday, January 15 "Death or Glory"

Pay Day (Expensive Pub Lunch)
Venue: The Belle Vue

Dom doesn't like idea of my food diary.

He says it's "creepy"

I think it's cute.

There is talk of a Belle Vue lunch. Dom pre-ordered Chicken Tikka. He opted for half rice and half chips.
Enjoyed his food but he struggled for a bit again.

At one point he dropped a chip and caught it with his legs.
He seemed really pleased for himself and I was happy with this.

NB: Nothing to do with food but I was proud of the integrity he displayed on the Deal or No Deal game. We got to the money round and he refused to deal for £5. He ended up winning 70p.

"Death or Glory," he said.

Thursday, January 14

Taken from my notebook diary...

Pub lunch
Wetherspoons
Gourmet burger (Beef)
Pint of Ale.

Dom said the burger was a bit too much for him.

He finished it though.

He started struggling after his chips and onion rings. (I think he might have eaten them too quick because he doesn't like either of those things cold)

What this is all about...

The idea for this started when we decided to go for a pub lunch.
Dom got all annoyed (as he does) when I couldn't remember what he had to eat the last time we went to the same pub - keeping in mind it was early 2009.
I thought the best way to solve this would be to keep a food diary for him throughout 2010.
I started keeping it my desk but I was running out of paper and quite frankly I'm ashamed of my handwriting.

The aim of this blog is for me to write a brief description of everything that passes Dom's lips between 9-5 every Monday to Friday.

I'll post my first two entries after this.

Enjoy, I know Dom will...