Dom's small part

Dom had some chips and gravy at 12.05pm today.
"I'm going to get chips," he said.
"In fact, I'm going to get them now because it's five past dinner."

We also went to the pub where Dom ordered a bottle of Koppaberg.
I had a bottle of Tucher. It came in a big glass that made me feel a bit like the king. I took so long with it that Dom had another bottle of Koppaberg.

During our drinks we found out that Ian has been asked to send a picture of himself to his old school. They want him to write a few words about what he has acheived since leaving school to go with it to inspire current sixth form students.

This all sounds fine until you realise that Dom went to the same school.

When Dom heard the news he slammed his hand down on the table and made two of us jump.
He threatened to have a few more drinks before driving to the school to give them a piece of his mind.

He hasn't - yet.

I personally think Ian was always a little better in school - particularly in the school plays.
Just the other day we spent ages giggling at the fact that Ian had a big part in Oliver while Dom only managed to get a small part in Annie.

Rushing this because I'm leaving early

Went to Wetherspoon's today.
Dom ordered a gourmet burger, said he was hungry because he didn't have tea last night.
Probably because he rushed his Subway to get to the pub - I'm definitely not still bitter by the way.

Not at all.

When he was ordering they said they had ran out of onion rings.
He asked if they could offer him anything instead.

I said I couldn't understand how a man who won't use vouchers will barter for extra food. Dom said it wasn't bartering. He said I was stupid for not asking. On reflection I agree.

Dom said he would use vouchers but only on a scale of value vs dignity.



Yesterday a this was posted on the Facebook fan page.

"I mildly resent this blog as it only makes me wish someone in my office was as good as dom."

I just wanted to point out that....

1) Dom always sticks his wet finger in my ear when he walks past my desk
2) He always tries out karate moves in the office - today he tried a ridiculous splits move that he said would have taken out two of us.
3) He once spent the day inputting letters to the tune of 'she bangs the drums'

Belated Valentine's Day

As I write this I am wearing a red birthday or Christmas style hat but I am in no mood for celebration.
To explain this I will have to take you back to yesterday afternoon when Dom decided to lampoon me.
Dom spotted me going to the office toilet and decided to wait outside the toilet door. When I left he jumped out on me and made a scary noise.

It worked well but eyebrows were raised when we returned from the toilet corridor into the office together.
Particularly because Dom was sniggering and I was still a bit scared.

I thought the best way to put an end to any rumours that may have arisen after this episode was to buy Dom a Valentine's cracker.
I didn't know these existed until I saw them in Ethel Austin for £2.

When I got back to the office Dom had just finished his food from Subway.
He agreed to pull the cracker. It broke on his side and he won a red birthday or Christmas style hat, a teddy with a heart and what was described on the box as a 'motto'.

It was actually a bit of paper that read: "Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A:Forget me nuts"

This amused Dom for about eight to 11 seconds.

The joy was short lived as Dom left for a a pub visit - an unusual occurrence on a Wednesday.
I couldn't go because I have an appointment this afternoon.

So I'm left in the office with nothing but a cheap teddy, a broken cracker, a rubbish joke and a red birthday or Christmas style hat.

So this is what it feels like when doves cry....




Picture:Bob Prosser ©

Monks, monkeys and Jedward

Dom had a pot noodle today.
Said he was sick of only having the same old places to get his food from.

While he waited for it to cool we discussed the annoying things in life.
It started because Dom got held up at the self serve queue in Tesco by someone who decided to start a conversation with a friend at one of the machines after he had finished using it.
This led to us talking about drivers who stay in the over-taking lane when there's no over-taking to be done, people who take ages moving their car from the petrol station when you're stuck behind them and people who think it's fine to use more than one card at a cash point.
During our conversation I threw an empty bottle of coke in to a bin that was about four foot away.

I continued talking while struggling not to look chuffed.
Think I did ok.

Dom talked about living with monks earlier.
He said he would love it because his favourite things are working and praying - he was being sarcastic.
Said he would happily live with monk-eys because he could 'sit around all day eating bananas' while being 'groomed by monkeys'.

"It would be a dream come true," he said.

Dom stupidly got involved in an argument with three girls today who were all defending Jedward.

"You are allowed to think whatever you think," he said.
"But it is my job to advise you that you are wrong."

When asked why he couldn't just forget about it because while he doesn't like Jedward some people do, he replied: "No, because they exist and I'm aware that they exist.
"Sometimes I think about them and sometimes I have to see their faces."

A lesson in sausage ordering

Dom went to Gregg's back on Thursday, January 19 and had a baguette and a sausage roll.
Old Skool blog readers will know that at the time I wrote:

"Enjoyed his food but he did say the sausage roll was a bit too much for him - He won't learn though."

I was right.

Went to Gregg's again today and had some sandwiches and a sausage roll.

While he ate he complained that he always buys the sausage roll thinking the sandwiches won't be enough to fill him up, but he never wants it.
He refused to throw it away because of the waste of money and the orphans in Africa.

He ate it in the end.

When I came back in from town after getting my food Dom asked me if I happened to see the 'freaky family of mole people'.

Unfortunately I hadn't.

He described them as 'scary, violent chav moles' who had risen from the 'centre of the earth' for a 'look around town'.

Supernatural biscuit experience

We went to the Belle Vue for food today.
The Belle Vue is where I first started Dom's Food Diary.

It's more expensive than Wetherspoons so we only go there when we've been paid.
This means that we've technically had a month of Dom's Food Diary.

Today Dom had the Chicken Jalfrezi with half rice and half chips.

Seemed to enjoy it but it was clearly too much for him.

Dom told us a few supernatural stories while we ate. He's been getting into that sort of thing a lot recently. Today's was how he was reading a book and had a massive panic that Jesus might exist. Said it made him 'considerably more scared' than he had been in a long time.

He's fine about this now.

I blame his recent interest in the supernatural on those bloody 'mystery' biscuits I referred to a few blogs back.
Remember the ones he ate a whole pack of and then couldn't find to bring into the office?
Well he still hasn't found them and it's starting to become an issue.

"I must have had a supernatural biscuit experience," he said this morning.
"It's like when someone stays in a haunted house and hears noises all night and then when they wake up they see a cleaner and ask what the noise was.
"The cleaner tells them soemone was killed there 20 years ago.
"Later on when they tell someone else what the cleaner said they say 'there is no cleaner here'.
"This is the exact equivalent of that," Dom said.
"Only with biscuits," he added.

How do you feel about Hershey's chocolate?
Dom really isn't a fan.
"I was all excited about trying some because, you know, they're in films and that," he said.
"When I had some it was just like eating Cadbury's.
"Cadbury's that has been left in a drawer for eight months."


Thought I'd tell Dom an interesting fact the other day.
I found out that Joseph Fritzel locked his daughter in the basement two days before Dom was born.
I thought this put the whole thing in perspective - Dom misunderstood my intentions.

"What are you implying?" he said.

"Too pretty"

Dom tried something different from Wetherspoon's today.

"I always get really excited around this time on a Thursday," he said.
"I'm really hungry and I'm looking forward to something nice to eat and then I come in here and see the menu."

It's usually a BBQ chicken panini or a gourmet burger but today Dom opted for scampi and chips. I've never seen him eat this before.

About 10 minutes after his food arrived Dom was left with a big plate of scampi.

He had a reason for this.

"It's the rule," he said.
"If you know you can finish a meal you should leave the best bit until last.
"If you're not sure that you can definitely finish it you should eat the best bits first.
"It's like with Christmas dinner, you're never sure when you're going to have to duck out so you eat all the best bits first."

Had a conversation about scams while we ate today.
Dom said he wouldn't be very good at pulling one off.
Says he gets a 'rush of blood to the head' between the till and the door in Asda if the cashier forgets to scan something.

"It's all fine when you get to the car park," he said.

He also said he's been tempted to scam a supermarket since they introduced those self scan machines. He came up with a brilliant idea of entering the wrong product after you've weighed the food.
Said you could buy expensive fruits and veg but always click potatoes.
Sounds good in theory but he's too scared to trial this method.

"That's the problem with me," Dom said.
"I've got a brilliant criminal mind but I'm too scared about spending time in prison."

Kelly said that she didn't think Dom would do very well in prison.
Dom agreed.

"You're right," he said.
"I'm too pretty."

Inside Information

Exciting thing happened to me today.

I went to Subway at around 12.15pm. I ordered my food and took a seat.
I heard the door open and by amazing coincidence it was Dom.
I was sat with my back to him and he didn't see me.

He'd obviously waited for me to leave the office before getting his food - again.

His plan back-fired this time as I managed to take down his entire order - secret agent style.

He asked for a Turkey and Ham sub on Italian Herbs and Cheese bread.
He then controversially added that he wanted it toasted and with cheese without waiting to be asked*.
I was inspired by this as I always ask for the sub and the bread and then answer the mundane cheese, extra cheese, toasted questionnaire like an idiot.

Feel free to use Dom's technique yourselves - I know I will.

When his sub had finished toasting he requested some green peppers and pickles at the salad part.
He paused before adding olives to his order.

He asked for some deli mustard in the final stage of the sandwich making process before leaving for the office where he ate his sub before I got back.

Don't think I missed much.

Turkey and Ham is the 'Sub of the Day' on a Wednesday.
My Food Monitors tell me that while Dom ate his he recited five of the seven 'Subs of the Day' off by heart.

"Sometimes I amaze myself," he said.

He also had a 'mustard incident' but I'm ashamed to admit I haven't been able to follow this up.

A quick question

Ever written on the sole of your slipper with a biro?

Dom has. He loves it. He says the only thing that tops it is writing with a biro on the skin of a banana.

"It's one of life's great pleasures," he said.

He's right too - I strongly recommend that you do if you haven't already.

Let me know how you get on.

*Apparently this didn't happen. Dom liked the idea but insisted he didn't say it.

"Accuracy," he said.
"I could stick with this and it would make myself look quite good.
"But it didn't happen, it's wrong and that's the main thing."

Pasty nutrition

I got called out of the office today moments before Dom left for food.
I had to resort to e-mailing the other members of staff to find out what Dom had to eat.

When I first thought about everyone responding with what Dom had to eat from their respective vantage points I thought it would be unique and interesting, you know like that movie... Spaceballs.
But instead it was eventless and boring, like that movie Vantage Point.

"Don't know," Ian replied. "He got it late."

"A pasty," Sam said.
"No idea what was in it though.
"He almost dropped it at one point - Kel said she saw the horror in his eyes."

Kelly replied with: "Well it looked like he almost dropped it but he denied it and said he just needs to bend right over it cos it gets messy."

Dom's always had a thing for Gregg's pasties. More so when he returned from Newcastle. He particularly liked the sausage and bean melt.
He said they contained the four major food groups.

1)Meat
2)Veg
3)Stodge
4)Runny*

Dom also revealed that he had a disappointing Burger King on the weekend.
Said it was the first time it had happened to him.

He said the burger was 'alright fundamentally' but it had too much onion and a 3" layer of cheese.

"I ended up having a bit of meat, some crunchy onion and a lot of dry cheese," he said.
"I had to give up and I've never done that before.
"The moral of that story is... don't have one of those," he added.

Dom said that he heard something exciting yesterday and he couldn't wait until today so he could tell me. Apologies in advance to the person concerned but this is way too good to leave out of the blog.

Turns out our friend Rob discovered that candle wax had melted into his pants draw.
He was shocked to discover that five pairs of his pants had 'fused' together.
In typical Rob fashion the first solution that came to mind was to put them, and this is honestly the truth, in a frying pan.
He managed to save four pairs but one caught fire in his kitchen.

He broke the news with a status update that read 'Rob just set fire to his kegs!'

While describing the incident in a comment he wrote: "Bizarrre as it sounds....discovering that wax from a candle had dripped into my smalls draw and deciding the solution to the resulting 5 pair boxer fusion was to put them in a frying pan over the cooker to melt the wax away. 4 survived but alas one combusted, leaving me with a somewhat embarassed smoke-engulfed face!"

I think I've found the guest cameo for this blog when Dom takes a week off.

*Courtesy of Rhys Griffiths

An educated guess

Dom's off work today.

It's the first time he's been off since the blog started so this presented its share of problems.
We discussed some ways of keeping the blog going. Choosing a random colleague to star in a 'blog cameo' was one idea. I might save that for Dom's week off.

I decided to take a look back through the blog and take an educated guess as to what Dom would have had if he was in. (See pie charts for full results below.)
According to my statistics he would have opted for Tesco or Subway.
Subway wins if you take evry day into account, Tesco wins if you just count his Monday food choices.

Food choices since blog started


Food choices on Mondays


I think it is fair to assume Tesco would have won. If you're interested it would have been a toss up between a chicken and pasta pot and an unitentionally themed seafood lunch.

The reason Dom is off work is because he worked a Sunday shift last night.
I know he spent some time looking at pictures of this.



Dom wasn't fussed.

"God that's weird," he said.
"For some reason I find it slightly sinister.
"I can barely relax knowing it's out there in the world somewhere, never mind in my house.
"It's just so....big.
"It is sort of cute but it looks like it could overpower me in a fight if push came to shove."

Dom changed his mind after seeing this picture.


"I would quite like to wrestle with him," he said.
"I quite like his face in one photo.
"I could definitely befriend that guy."

Soul features and a chip roll

Dom's very tired today.
Said he's had a 'ridiculous amount of late nights' that have left him feeling 'concussed'.

Hoping to win the Euromillions with our syndicate tonight.
Being as optimistic as ever Dom said: "We're never going to win and the sooner you realise that the better."

Kelly said he won't get any winnings if he keeps up that attitude.

"You can't do that to me," Dom said.
"Imagine my sad little face.
"You'd be sat in the warm drinking with your top hats and my sad little urchin face would be in the window."

While Kelly was talking about the numbers that have the least chance of coming up in the draw a logical Dom said: "My soul just did this" and put his face in his hands.
Kelly said that souls don't have a face or hands.
Dom said: "They do because mine just did this." And put his face in his hands again.

Kelly gave up.

Dom had some curry over a chip roll. Smelt nice.
Got some curry on his sleeve though and said: "Could this day get any worse?!?"

At first this seems a bit like an over reaction but seconds before he had been talking about going bald and I think it all got on top of him.

The thought of going bald petrifies Dom.

"If I go bald, that's it," he said at the time.
"I mean it, that will literally be it.
"I'll quit my job and go and live in a hovel."

I don't know what he's worried about.

"Some fur for the purchase"

Dom had a chicken club baguette from Gregg's today.
Also had a pint of Guinness in the pub a bit later.
Said he only opted for Guinness because he had already eaten.
Said he would have asked for a different drink if he was eating because Guinness is 'like a meal in itself'.

Yesterday we discussed Gordon Brown swapping his Kit-Kats for bananas and E4 deciding to stop airing episodes of friends.
Dom's respective thoughts on these subjects were...

1) "Kit-Kats win because you can't dunk a banana in your tea - well you could - but I wouldn't.

2) "How are they going to fill 12 hours of TV a day?"

Dom said the Summer of Bueno shouldn't have been described as a childhood memory in yesterday's blog.
Said he was 18 or 19.
We agreed kidulthood would have been more appropriate.

Dom told us some more stories from his childhood/kidulthood today.

They were:

Purposely doing bad on an eye test because he wanted glasses.
Choosing a green pair of glasses for his first pair that came with attachable sun visors.
Having a ridiculous amount of haircuts that included a mohawk, a blue bob and Kurt Cobain style bleached long hair.
Also said he had a stud in 'whichever ear wasn't the gay one'.

On the subject of glasses Dom revealed his one eye is -3.75. He reckons that if you get to -6 you get a blue badge for your car.

"That's what I'm aiming for," he said with his fingers crosses.

Also came up with a solution for drivers who are short sighted - prescription windscreens and mirrors.

I don't think this will catch on.


He also told everyone about the day me and Dom spent trying to get a pet wasp.
We caught one, put it in the fridge, waited for it to fall into a 'coma' then attempted to tie string around it.
We repeated this process several times without any success.

Dom has come up with a reason for this.

"We should have used a bee," he said.
"The wasp was too slender, he was too sleek.
"We needed some fur for the purchase."

Praise for Dom's Food Diary - Part two

It's that time again...


"I am actually following this. I have even less of a life than I thought." HG

"I f**king love Dom's Food Diary. There, I said it." MN

"It just gets better and better!" RT

"Errors all over the shop you clown." DJ

"Genius. When can we expect to see a spin-off book containing the collected wit and wisdom of Dom Jones? I reckon it could be a winner this Christmas...

...I'm sure it'll become South Wales' answer to Chairman Mao's little red book, just with a bit less communism and slightly more sandwich-related pronouncements." RG

"Loved the tip about eating the overflow tuna with a fork! Genius." HC

"I hope this blog continues until Dom is either eating through a tube or is dead. It just means that much to me." TN

Not so happy hippos...

Dom bought us all Happy Hippos today.

They're a biscuit shaped like a hippo made by the same people who make Kinder eggs.
They led Dom to tell us a happy and a sad story from his childhood.

One was about the time he had the game Hungry Hippos taken off him for being too loud.
The other was about the summer he spent 'solely eating Buenos'.

Me and Dom both started our Happy Hippos from the face end.

I think I just happened to open mine that way, Dom said he did this because, and I quote: "...that way, it doesn't have to see me eat his arse."

Missed Dom eating his actual dinner so I got a Food Monitor on the case.

He had chilli and rice with cheese from a place next door. (It's not actually next door but everyone says that for some reason.)
Kelly had to persuade him to have the cheese.
He only took her advice seriously when he found out that she wasn't the type of person who eats chips, gravy and cheese together.
He said it wasn't very hot, but it did make his nose run - Gave it a 6.3 out of 10.

Freaked Dom out earlier.
He said that he remembered he wanted to buy something today but forgot what it was.
I was right when I asked if it was mouthwash - I noticed he was running low when I popped into his house on Sunday.
Dom called me weird - I thought I was being helpful.


Dom was a having a phone conversation with the girls from the council earlier when I heard him say: "Shut up! I'd rather you have a go at my mother."
I instantly knew Morrissey was involved.
Dom told them that women don't like Morrissey because they are 'soulless husks'.

Earlier today we had an office conversation about Vernon Kay and Tess Daly.
Dom isn't a fan of either of them.

During a rant, in which Dom said Vernon had a 'stupid medieval haircut' that 'looked like something from the Bayeux tapestry', he said: "The fact that either of those two are famous is everything that is wrong with this world.
"They should be working in Gregg's or McDonald's.
"He should be serving me a burger - not ruining Family Fortunes."

Subway offers. Good or bad?

Subway had a deal on today.
You got a free sub if you bought a medium drink. It was genuinely described 'Sub-Tacular'.

Dom went over at one. Seemed pleased with the deal but these offers seem to create problems.
The store was packed and Dom got stuck next to a customer who moaned throughout the entire sandwich making process.
Apparently when she got to the end she said: "I'm not coming here again - it's too complicated."

Dom said: "Presumably because they asked her what bread she wanted and whether she wanted salad or not."

Seemed to enjoy his sub but they squashed it again.
We discussed a way of politely asking them not to squash the sandwich but we couldn't agree on a way where you don't end up looking rude or like an arse.

I think my sugestion of just dropping it in while you pick your salad was the best.

Eg: "Can I get some jalapenos, some olive, some BBQ sauce and please don't squash it."

Ok, it's not the best but Dom's idea involved shouting:
"Wait a minute! What did you just do to my sub? Start again!"

Interesting note: Me and Dom just discovered that when we were young our nans knitted us a Postman Pat and a Jess character respectively. We agreed that we should have been friends.

Yesterday we discussed ways of improving the veiwing figures for the live episode of Eastenders.
Dom definitely won when he said the producers should unscrew a chair leg.
The actors would not know which chair was dodgy but whoever fell off it would have to pretend that nothing had happened and carry on with their script.

We both agreed this would be the best way of getting more people to watch.

Also discussed getting a barge for the weekend.

I wanted to go to Pontcysyllte to have a go at this:


"I'm not going all the way to Wrexham to be terrified," Dom said.
"I can do that at home."

More food skills and a 'horrible word'

Dom told me what he had to eat today.

It was an Egg and Bacon Bloomer (on brown) from Gregg's. He also had a sausage roll.

"And a sausage roll?" I said as I wrote in my notebook.

"Don't say it like that," Dom replied.

While eating his lunch Dom burst into a little cheer.
Turns out the last bit of his bloomer fell apart as he was just about to finish it. The bread fell as two pieces.

"The one fell on my desk and guess where the other when went?" an unusually excited Dom asked.
"In my pocket!" he revealed as a he produced a tiny piece of brown bread from his shirt.

"I am pleased with that," he said.
"It was unbelievable - I had no idea where it went"

Talking in the office today about an increase in stories that involve people running over themselves.

"Brian Harvey was well ahead of his time," Dom said.

This was in reference to one of Dom's favourite stories.
It involves East 17 singer Brian Harvey blaming baked potatoes for a bizarre car accident in which he ran over himself with his Mercedes. He actually nearly died.

Explaining himself at the time Harvey said: "I was starving so I baked three jacket potatoes and stuffed them down. They were big. I put cheese on, then tuna mayonnaise and I ate the lot."
He then attempted to drive to a friend's house but got lost in a cul-de-sac.
"There wasn't room to turn round, so I came to a stop and put the car in reverse," he said.
"But then I felt sick so I took off my seatbelt, opened the door and went to be sick. Instead of keeping my foot on the brake, it slipped on to the accelerator."

Dom believes the story but still doesn't understand why he mentioned the potatoes.

Dom also popped to Tesco on his break. Said he wanted us to try some biscuits that he had yesterday. Said they were so nice that he ate the whole pack.

He couldn't find the biscuits so he bought what he described as 'a close approximation of them'.

It is a huge pack of biscuits that look like two choclate digestives facing each other.
Dom was quick to point out that the entire pack of Sunday biscuits he ate were not as big.

"Mine were smaller than that," he said.
"They were half the size of those, both in length and girth."

He soon added: "That's a horrible word - girth.
"There is no way of using it without making yourself appalled at yourself."

Uh oh...

Ok, it seems my blog has back-fired.
I thought Dom would have cracked by now.

However, it seems to be getting to me more.

I'm sat at home on Friday night and I find myself having an amazing urge to write down what Dom had to eat today.

Maybe it's because a Smiths song came on.
Maybe it's because I've had two drinks.
Maybe it's because I was too busy working* today to write a blog entry.

Either way writing about Dom after a few drinks while listening to the Smiths is definitely an emotional experience.

Take it from me.

He had a turkey and ham subway and then had a bottle of a weird beer in the pub.
He said he ordered it because he could pronounce the name.
Said he fancied a few others but was afraid to try and order them.

I said the staff probably wouldn't know the difference.

He said he'd thought of that but then decided they may have been on courses so didn't.

Discussed forming a quiz team to take on the Egg Heads today.
Dom sort of liked the idea.

"I'd love to have a go at a game show," he said.
"The only problem is that they're on tele," he added.

Entered the EuroMillions this week.

We all had different ideas on how we'd spend the money.

Starting a business and travelling were some examples, Dom thought differently.
He said the first thing he would do is buy a huge house with a moat around it.

In a way I hope we don't win it.

A moat would probably put an end to this blog and by the looks of things I don't think I would deal with that very well.


*Getting my hair cut

"Better to be safe than sorry"

Dom's more anti-blog today than usual.

I've concluded that this is for two reasons.

1) I was out of the office this morning and he found my 'Dom's Food Diary' notebook with all my written notes which he described as 'weird'.
2) He didn't like yesterday's banana pie chart.

He said it made it look like he was only eating bananas for the benefit of people who read the blog.

I said that I'd clarified that wasn't the case in yesterday's blog with the 'brown and squishy' bit.

Dom didn't think this was enough.

"That's what I would have said if I was someone who was only eating bananas for the benefit of people who read the blog and I didn't want to make it look like I was only eating bananas for the benefit of people who read the blog," he said.

Confused? So was I.

Went to Wetherspoon's today and Dom opted for a beef gourmet burger for the first time since we read the Wetherspoon's nutritional guide a few weeks ago.
We found out that they contain near enough your recommended daily allowance for everything and this scared us all for a bit.

However, Dom wasn't going to put off by little things like science and that today.

"Bugger it," he said.
"Calorie counting is for women and poofs!"

This attitude continued through dinner where he made fun of me drinking a gin and for watching programmes such as America's Next Top Model and Fat Families.

"Drink a pint and stop watching rubbish tele," he said.

I told Dom about a man on Fat Families who ate a breakfast with his kids, took them to school and picked up a McDonald's breakfast for himself on the way back.
He then ate around 15 bags of crisps throughout the day before enjoying a huge Indian takeaway in the night.
When he put his kids to bed he drove to the garage to buy a family bag of crisps and a bottle of Lucozade.

Dom didn't care much for this man.

"It winds me up," he said.
"I could happily eat like that all day but I don't because I would be huge."
"I lost all sympathy for people like that when Rick Waller was a bitch on Celebrity Fit Club."

Please note - since publishing this blog I found out that Dom didn't call Rick Waller a bitch. It was Ian. And he actually referred to him as a whiney bitch.
Dom asked me to ammend this.
"I don't want to be thought of as someone who would call a man a bitch," he said.
Before Dom's food arrived he paid a visit to the condiments section. He returned with about 20 sachets including salt for everyone, vinegar and sauce.

"It's better to be safe than sorry," he said.

"Just a humble genius"

Dom didn't have dinner today - he's only had a banana.

I was worried this might be as a result of the blog but he says it isn't.
He also insists his increase in banana eating has nothing to do with Dom's Food Diary™.
He didn't deny there was a direct link between the start of the blog and his 9 til 5 banana intake* but he says there is another reason for this.

Apparently he bought a big bag and wants to finish them before they go 'brown and squsihy'.

Another thing Dom has started doing more since the blog is tripping over things in the office.
He's done it twice in two weeks.

"I'm like Barry Chuckle," he said after the last incident.

Dom often expresses his sympathy for the man whose wife left him for Barry Chuckle.
To be fair you can't think of many things worse.

Persuaded Dom to watch some of ITV's 'Take Me Out' on the weekend.
He didn't know what to make of it. Overall I think it was a no likey.

"There were bits when I was laughing with the programme and there were bits where I was laughing at it," he said.
"There were also bits that offended me to my very core," he added.

After yesterday's blog was posted Dom took credit for the porridge Haiku and claimed to have made it up on the spot.
He followed this up by claiming to often speak in the form of a Haiku to keep himself mentally stimulated.

"I can't help it," he said.
"I'm just a humble genius."

*

So, the tables have turned...

Dom announced his intentions of eating a McDonald's quite early today.
Said it was fine because he had a banana yesterday.
Dave offered him vouchers if he could wait until tomorrow but Dom declined.
He had a Big Tasty burger and a Coke.

Also had a praline-based sweet from a Thorton's selection box.

I've decided it isn't fair to write a blog about Dom's eating habits if I don't poke fun at myself now and then.
Today I was told to call a Gill O'Warren to get a number for her son.
When a lady answered I said: "Is that Mrs O'Warren?"
She said: "What?"
I said: "Is that Gill?"
She said yes.

I get the number for her son's shop, he doesn't answer so I phone back to speak to her.
"Hi Mrs O'Warren, it's Jamie," I say.
I ask for a mobile number and she says: "Wait, I'll ask my husband.... (shouts upstairs) Warren!!!"

This amused me. I come off the phone and tell Dom that there must be this guy called Warren O'Warren.

Dom said: "Are you sure you wasn't told to call Gill or Warren?"

Turns out I was.


This morning we talked about creating a super hero who had the power of smell.
Whiff Man and Smell Boy was the working title. Dom said at least one of them should be blind.

We also discussed porridge.
Dom isn't a fan - at all.

He said:

"I don't like porridge.
"No one does, it's horrible.
"And it smells funny."

Still don't think he's realised that he wrote an accidental Haiku about porridge.
This blog gets more and more beautiful every day.

Unintentional seafood and some womb bacon

Accidentally bumped into Dom as I was leaving to get my lunch today.
Little awkward.

"Don't ruin my dinner any more than you already are," he said as we walked down the street together.

I took out some unnecessary money out at the first cash machine we passed to put an end to the uncomfortable situation.

When I got back Dom was eating his 'disappointing' lunch.

Greggs was packed so he opted for Tesco. Said he bought an 'unintentional' seafood themed meal deal.
This consisted of a salmon sandwich, prawn cocktail crisps and a drink.

It was a pretty ordinary lunch conversation until Dom produced a banana from his work bag. He said he brought it in from home.

I was surprised he was eating fruit and this offended Dom.
We debated it for a while until Dom produced a sentence which I think would win any argument.

It went: "Jame, you could walk into my house right now and you would find a papaya in my kitchen'.

Feel free to use that one yourselves.

During the healthy eating debate Dom also used an example of how he had to use Google to learn how to cut a mango.
When I started typing this in Google, the search engine presumed I was searching for a number of other things. One of them was 'How to cut a kitten's umbilical cord'.

Dom said he saw kittens being born once and he didn't remember them having umbilical cords. It seems his strongest memory of the incident was seeing something that came out after the kittens that looked like 'gammon'. The mother cat ate this.

We assumed it was the placenta, Dom said his friend referred to it as 'womb bacon'.